Monthly Meme - The AITAs of March

[pumpkinhollow]

BEWARE THE AITAS

C

ry havoc, and let slip the hounds of war interpersonal conflict! In this month's mingle, spin us a yarn of drama, suspense, romance, or petty arguments. Submit the tale for judgement to the court of public opinion, in pursuit of the answer to one all-important question--- "Am I the asshole?" You may defend yourself, but ultimately it is up to your neighbors to decide your fate.

Unlike other public forums, we don't have any rules about fake stories, validation posts, excessive arguments in the comments, or stabbing the emperor. Fudge details to your heart's content, but don't be surprised if the other people involve in the story jump in with a counter-argument. To vote, here is a glossary of important shorthand:

• OP - "Original poster", the person who submitted the story
• YTA - "You're the Asshole," for when the OP is the primary wrongdoer
• NTA - "Not the Asshole," for when the OP is the one who was wronged
• NAH - "No Assholes Here," for when no one is technically in the wrong, the conflict was simply a misunderstanding
• ESH - "Everyone Sucks Here," for when all parties are in the wrong and all of you should be ashamed of yourselves
• JAH - "Justified Asshole," for when OP is definitely an asshole, but for good reason
• INFO - "Information," for when the story is too vague to make a decision, usually followed by a question

Stories should include the OP's name in brackets and then a punchy title in the subject line. Additionally, you may use [ANONYMOUS] in place of your name--- this will allow players to know who OP is, but the characters will not know. Have fun!

Comments

QUESTIONS/COMMENTS/CONCERNS

[pumpkinhollow]

[ANONYMOUS] AITA for throwing things at and ignoring my ex?

[thethirteenthchild]

I (20sF) just got out of a relationship with my former boyfriend (30sM) of roughly 6 months. Over the winter, we got into a really ridiculous argument. For the sake of both our privacy, I'd prefer to sum up the incident rather than give out all the details. He overstepped a boundary, I reacted very strongly, and he ended up leaving our home entirely when the conversation ended. He knew I wasn't physically capable of chasing after him, so I had no choice but to let him go. A few days later, he approached me in public and laid into me about the incident before disappearing entirely.

A few weeks ago, my ex did actually come back and apologize. I tried to talk to him again, even going so far as to give him some more background on why I reacted the way I did by divulging vulnerable personal trauma. This didn't go well either, as he ended up reacting very strongly to the things I told him and carrying on about "saving" me. Eventually I asked him to leave, which he pushed back on, saying he wouldn't go unless I explicitly said in so many words that I didn't want to see or speak to him. In the end, I ended up snapping and throwing a full wine bottle at him.

Since then he has tried in a few ways to get my attention, all of which I've ignored. I don't think I was necessarily think I was in the wrong for feeling how I felt, so I'm not really asking about that--- but I do feel bad about blowing him off, and for throwing things at him, especially such a heavy object that could have potentially really hurt him. I wonder if doing these things makes me a cruel person.

[restingslasherface]

NTA

Consider seeking restitution in ritual combat. Wait. What is the code duello here...

[redlightgreenlight]

NTA.

This boy doesn't respect your boundaries and tried to force you to say things you didn't want to say. He may have thought it was romantic or maybe even cute, but it only shows his immaturity. He's treating you as if you are something to be won back, not as a person with her own feelings and rights. Men like to call out emotional women when it's really that they won't take 'no' for an answer. He's stubborn and needs to let go. There's nothing cute about how he's acting and I'm especially appalled at how he thinks he need to 'save' you, that tells me he has a hero complex or again, sees you as something to win or 'fix'. If he's really sorry, he will give you the space you need without trying to worm his way back into your life.

[tisnotthehouse]

YTA to yourself, for not cracking his skull open. I suggest you begin practicing your aim in private, so that the next time someone behaves so poorly towards you you will be able to seek effective restitution immediately.

[abhorrently]

NTA.

Sometimes you need to escalate when a person can't understand they need to go. Especially if he decided to cause a scene in public, humiliating you. If he wants your attention, he needs to be willing to give it on your terms.

Hopefully it wasn't a very valuable bottle you couldn't replace.

[inaurate]

NTA

Looks like the overstepping of boundaries is becoming a pattern for this guy. Throwing things is a little extreme, but when someone refuses to listen to your words, action is the natural next step.

[gruesomegourmand]

NTA.

You two may need to talk sometime, though, maybe with a friend to help keep things fair and collected. It sounds like there's some things that haven't gotten sorted out enough to make any sort of break completely clean, if a full separation is what you want. It might help provide the closure you need to fully go separate ways.

anon

[astrogator]

ESH

He sucks for the obvious reasons, but initiating aggression against him was wrong. It doesn't make you a cruel person but there are better ways of handling anger. Explicitly telling him you didn't want to see or speak to him would have been a better option - you didn't!

{Anonymous} AITA for Cursing Someone Who Hurt Me?

[redlightgreenlight]

I [20s(?)F] encountered this individual in another realm and we just so happened to end up in the same place again. I didn't know him well, but apparently he met and made a pact with a Goddess who had taken over my body in exchange for my soul. Later he killed me and carved demonic runes on my heart to take control. However, apparently the goddess was lying and instead I was left to suffer until she was able to take control again. I don't know what would have happened if a more powerful entity hadn't removed her influence completely.

He said he felt bad, but his actions don't show it as he continues to be self righteous in his regret and has failed to offer a sincere apology. He implied that a fair trade for his offense would be for me to kill him. I didn't want to kill him because I felt that was letting him off easy. I know men like him and he would consider the debt repaid and go on to commit similar offenses. I told him he could live with the regret and that every time he sees me he will remember what he did and that I showed mercy when I didn't have to. He was pretty upset and left shortly afterward.

I should note that his actions essentially led to the destruction of the entire realm we both came from and I thought I had lost everyone I cared about for weeks due to his actions.

I've considered that I might be wrong for not taking my revenge and being done with it, but I really feel like he needs to properly atone for his wrongdoings.

[skeletonkeay]

INFO - What was the curse? Or was it just the curse of regret?

[abhorrently]

NTA.

Sometimes the best knife for the job is the one you leave sheathed in their mind. Death's too easy when it doesn't stick.

[ANONYMOUS] AITA For Dating A Married Woman

[restingslasherface]

I (Age Unknown, Presumed 20-25, NB) had the incredible fortune to enter into a relationship with a partner (??????F) who came off the ferry. She has made my life better in almost every way that I care to litigate, and I adore her. At the time we entered into a relationship I knew but didn't quite understand that she has a partner (AGE AND GENDER UNKNOWN) at her home, to whom she intends to return. Similarly, at the time she did not understand that she is polyamorous, and that revelation was one of the foundations of our relationship! But as time passes I grow concerned for her partner from home, who has had no opportunity to learn about or give input to our relationship. My partner very much wishes for me to return to her home with her, and I would like to go, but what of her spouse? Are they expected to simply accept me on her say-so, or to react positively to this development? AITA, and if so how can I make it right?

[inaurate]

NAH

Ideally the other partner should get a say, but in this unusual case where lines of communication are impossible and there is no way to know when they will see each other again, I think your best bet is to trust your partner to have a better idea of how her spouse will react than you do. I think it's a good mark of your character that you're worrying about it, though, and bodes well for when you do finally meet them.

[anonymous] AITA for inducing a mental breakdown in a colonel?

[notinflictthem]

I (29 M Handsome) had the misfortune of meeting a particular colonel who had a reputation for getting his men killed for practically no reason. So a couple of buddies and I pulled some old faithfuls to get him to question his sense of reality. You know, tent swapping, the 'suddenly appearing glass of milk', convincing him that my incredibly conservative bunk-mate was coming onto him, convincing my conservative bunk-mate's girlfriend to come onto the colonel, standard stuff. Eventually he cracked like a nut and got shipped off somewhere far from the front and we didn't have to clean up any of his messes again.

Honestly I'm fine being the asshole here, it was worth it.

[skeletonkeay]

JAH, kinda fucked up but it seems like everyone benefited from it. Including him, tbh. No more front lines.

AITA For Convincing My Brother He Was A Dog

[crushed_pearls]

I (43? 44? F) learned that my adopted younger sibling (fuck if I know, 28ish M?) had recently gained the ability to turn into a dog when he came to me for help with turning back, having absolutely no fucking idea what had caused it or how to control it. Here's the thing: he didn't seem to know that he was still speaking English, and I saw a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, which I seized to convince him to do several dog tricks. And he did them! He sat! He shook hands with his lil' paw! Growing more and more distressed as I seemed to not understand him! And then at the end for the final trick I said "Realize you're speaking English!" and he was indeed Quite Upset. I was able to point him to someone else for successful advice on turning back into a human. AITA?

[redlightgreenlight]

I have zero bias and YTA for gaslighting someone for your own amusement.

[anon] AITA for returning to my home country at an unideal time?

[inaurate]

I (20sM) am biracial and have citizenry (and inherited responsibilities) in both countries of my parents' origin. I was primarily raised in one, but have been living in the other for the past 6-7 years. During that time, I made friends that I unfortunately had to lead into a continent-wide conflict. It's a long story, but eventually we won.

Admittedly, things were still an enormous mess there, but certain responsibilities from the other side of the border were demanding my presence. If I wanted to keep at the goals I've been working towards my entire life, I couldn't put off going back to my other home any longer. I did everything I could to set my friends up for success, and I know I can trust them to pull things together, but I can't help feeling like I foisted my own responsibilities onto them by not sticking around. But on the other hand, they have frequently told me to rely on them more! This might be a bit much, though. So, AITA?

[redlightgreenlight]

Your friends have told you they can handle it, if you trusted them to watch your back on the battlefield why can't you trust them to bring peace after the war? Seems to me you need to swallow a little pride and figure out that it's not your job to save everyone. So aside from the aggravating hero-complex you seem to have, NTA.

If your home country needed you more than the one you had been residing in, and you left the rebuilding in good hands, you were justified in returning to your homeland to resolve the conflicts there. Besides, nothing says you can't return to your friends someday when both nations are at peace. Trust your friends.

[ANON] AITA for staying out of it?

[skeletonkeay]

Ages and genders not included because I don't wanna.

So you know how Calloway sells stuff that actually belongs to people? Like he finds it in the woods or the sea or whatever and upcharges you to hell and back to buy your own shit? Well, a friend of mine bought something that belonged to my partner. Something kind of sensitive. I was gonna get it for them, but I went in the shop and found it gone and then later I saw it at my friend's house. I didn't realize that my friend was planning on giving it back and just kinda flipped out, and there was a stupid blow-up about it. I threatened to hit them, they mind-controlled me, it was dumb.

Since then we've made up but I had told my partner my version of things which was. Incomplete. So now they're still really pissed at my friend. I've encouraged my friend to reach out and it doesn't seem to be working? I dunno what was said, I've insisted that it's between the two of them and stayed in my lane. I don't wanna push my partner's buttons. But I kinda wonder if I should step in since the misinformation is my own stupid fault. AITA?

[redlightgreenlight]

The mind control is concerning and we would need more details on that before we can judge the actions of your friend, but YTA for jumping to assumptions about your friend without giving them the chance to explain and for letting your partner believe the incomplete version of the story.

It's on you to make it right since the misunderstanding is on your shoulders.

[ANON] AITA for bringing a monster along without telling my party?

[gruesomegourmand]

I (26M) have been in a little bit of hot water with my adventuring party for bringing a pet along with us for the adventure. For context, "monsters" are often just like animals, but they're sustained on magical energy and spirits instead of most usual foods.

My party and I have very different opinions on what a "good" or "bad" monster pet or comrade means, and have since the first day that we started adventuring together. I think that there's no such thing as a "bad" addition to a home, barring diverse care, enclosures, nutrition, and everything along those lines. In a perfect world, I think that some of the most monsters in the world can live beside people with careful harmony. My party doesn't agree, and thinks some things just shouldn't be kept, eaten, or interacted with, varying what they disagree with on species. (This is very broad, but it applies to a wide variety of monsters, so bear with me.)

This is where I may be the asshole, though. During our adventure, I came into a weapon containing a monster that, on it's own, was harmless. In fact, it was incredibly helpful! It let us know there was danger before we could see it, and required very little care to keep it happy and healthy.

One incident came, however, where instead of just alerting me to the present danger, it attempted to escape. This is how one of my party members (29M) found out it was alive, and not just an object. Angry would be an understatement, and he used at least two dozen words in his native language to insult me in ways I couldn't comprehend.

I felt like I had to hide it, since they wouldn't have been accepting of it, no matter how useful it was to us, and how many times it saved our lives. He didn't agree, since it seriously endangered us when we really needed something to defend ourselves with. AITA for hiding it from them?

[abhorrently]

Soft YTA.

If this creature truly is so harmless, there might have been a good time to talk about this earlier and open their minds to the potential of a new friend. Them being startled is understandable. That said, you were trying to keep it safe and alive. So, a questionable call, but not a friendship ender.

[Very, Very Anonymous] AITA for eating people?

[thethirteenthchild]

No need to beat around the bush. My biological state obligates me to eat other humanoids. It is what it is. Does it make me evil?

[tisnotthehouse]

INFO: did you choose this requirement for yourself?

[Anon] AITA for not keeping in touch with my old CO?

[nothingbadeverhappensto]

[ cw: implication of suicide ]

Fully prepared to be the asshole here but I guess this is what we're doing, so. I (27, M) spent a couple of years in the military a while back. Most of my time was spent training under Major K (30, M). He was a good man. Your classic drill sergeant type, total hardass, but you could tell he really believed we were out there doing good in the world. We weren't exactly best friends, but I got the impression that the military was basically his whole world.

Thing is, the first time we got assigned to active duty together, it went bad. Real bad. The whole unit was wiped out, other than him and me, and he got hurt bad enough that he was deemed unfit to serve. I could tell it crushed him, losing his men and the thing he'd put his whole life into in one fell swoop. But I had my own problems to deal with after all that, so I figured they'd send him to some kind of counseling and I'd be able to get back in touch when I was ready. And when he basically disappeared off the face of the Earth, I assumed I was just too late.

Years later it turned out he'd run off and joined a cult. I guess they promised to heal him, make him stronger than he'd ever been before. He did some terrible things in their name, and now he's gone. Dead. And I can't help but think if I'd just tried harder to reach out after that mission went off the rails, maybe he'd still be here.

So. AITA?

[restingslasherface]

NTA

The party at fault is the cult. It is not the fault of their victim or you that your CO fell prey to their tactics.

[ANON] AITA for being jealous of the new guy?

[preacher_in_reticence]

I've been on this island for ages, working in a pretty niche job. In the years before the barrier went up, I worked with someone who was warm and driven, but he died, along with many people I'm close with. I've been doing my work alone for the past years, and while I'm not as passionate as I once was, my superiors have given me no indication either way how they feel about my work.

One of the new arrivals to the island, however, has gained the favor of my superiors, and has been slotted in to train for the position of my former partner. I'm not mad that this would put him above me, not really.

I'm just...frustrated, that he's getting communication from the higher-ups when I haven't. I feel betrayed, even though the new guy is really sweet and kind. He's naive, though, and I'm stuck teaching him everything about our industry from the ground up.

Reading back what I've written, I sound petty, I know. But. Am I the asshole?

....ooh, I gotta.

[thelatechrisfreeman]

Sounds to me like your managers are the assholes.

[cw: imprisonment, torture] [ANON] AITA for resorting to drastic measures to escape?

[astrogator]

I [18F] was held prisoner for over a year. The material conditions were fine, but in all other respects it was truly horrific. We were tortured. Dehumanised. Told over and over how impossible it was to escape, how we'd never get out, and there was no point in even trying because home wouldn't miss us anyway and the situation outside the prison was so hostile we'd just all be slaughtered.

That prison damaged me so badly I don't think I'll ever recover, even though my physical wounds were healed by coming here. But while I was there, I never gave up hope of freedom. I tried everything I knew how to do.

Here's the problem. In one of my attempts at escape I badly hurt a prison guard. She had no choice about her job, didn't volunteer for it, arguably none of it was her fault. But she got hurt. I saw it as my duty to try to escape (and, frankly, I was at breaking point...) and what happened to her was an unfortunate necessity.

Some of my fellow prisoners disagreed. Worse still, some of them had started sympathising with our captor, saying that he didn't choose to imprison us specifically, and that torture was just how the system worked. He had a sob story people fell for, so the idea that he might suffer very negative consequences if outside attention was drawn to this prison or if people escaped seemed to bother them. Honestly, I didn't care what happened to him, after all that had been done to me.

I got out! I'm here! But I've since been informed that some of the actions I took made life worse for the remaining prisoners. I do feel bad about that. Even for the ones who hurt me. But I still don't regret my actions. AITA?

[ooc: assume non-canon unless we mutually decide otherwise, thanks!]

[when_a_grids_misaligned]

NTA. In a place like that, you can't save everyone, and sometimes the only way to survive is to hurt someone else who doesn't want to be in that situation any more than you do. If the warden took it out on the others after you escaped, he's the asshole (not that that's news).

AITA for taking care of local wildlife?

[cacophonish]

A couple years ago I (19m at the time) found a possum in my backyard and I gave him some food so he started hanging around. After a couple weeks, we built up enough trust with each other that I figured it was okay to let him into the house. The dude was like my little buddy, you know? I named him Diesel. Anyway, I didn't tell any of my roommates about Diesel, because he was pretty shy. He's small, and keeps to himself, and I'm taking care of him, so no big, right? Diesel really liked hanging out in my drummer's (20f at the time) bed, but he only did it when she wasn't home, so it wasn't hurting anyone.

Anyway, one morning I'd like JUST gotten home and was trying to fall asleep, because we were up all night with a gig and then went to a house party after and I hooked up with this guy but I didn't want to be there when he woke up because it can be really fucking awkward to say goodbye, you know? Anyway I'm trying to sleep, and suddenly I hear this chick screaming, so I come running out of my room because I don't know, I thought maybe my drummer got hurt or died or something? Turns out it's her (ex) girlfriend, and she's freaking out and shrieking about a dead cat in the bed.

I go check it out and find Diesel and his little body's just curled up under the sheets like it's a fucking burial shroud, so then I start freaking out because I think she killed the little dude by like smothering him or scaring him to death or something. Then my drummer starts freaking out because why was there a weird dead cat in her bed to begin with?

I started to explain that he's not a cat, he's a possum, and he's REALLY shy and sometimes liked to take naps in her bed when she wasn't home, which is a totally victimless crime. She started getting mad because I knew about it and let her sleep in possum sheets for fuck knows how long, and now she's worried about fleas or rabies or some kind of possum disease. And I said if she should be mad at anyone, it should be her girlfriend for killing Diesel. Then her girlfriend started calling me an asshole and they totally started ganging up on me, so I scooped up Diesel so I could go give him a proper burial like he would've wanted.

When I took Diesel to the backyard he woke up. I guess he was just playing dead the whole time. I was SO relieved, I might have started crying? So I went inside and told my roommate and her girlfriend the good news, but they still kept calling me an asshole. You'd think they'd be relieved to know they didn't kill him? She also said I wasn't allowed to keep him in the house anymore.

I gave him half a Twinkie and he scampered off. He still came around sometimes but it just wasn't the same after that. I really miss the little dude.

So anyway am I the asshole here?

[configuration_birdwatcher]

NAH. No one was hurt, but you could have avoided the problem by keeping Diesel with you.

AITA for being too honest?

[cacophonish]

So one time I (20m at the time) hooked up with this dude (??m) at a party and it was all good, there was nothing special about it. He got kind of clingy, like he opened up to be a LOT over the night, and he called me a few times after, but it was just a one night deal. No strings attached or anything, you know?

That SHOULD be the end of the story.

A couple weeks later, I started hooking up with this chick (??f) I met at a gig. We were hanging out at her place just chatting about life and feelings and stuff like that, like normal pillow talk stuff. I looked over at her bedside table and saw a photo of her and a bunch of people I know-- including the dude! So I pointed him out and was like, "Oh, hey, you know [dude's name] too? He's cute but way too fucking clingy."

This chick had such a poker face, she was like, totally calm, friendly, just curious, you know? She was like, "Oh? How do you know him?" And I said we'd hooked up.

So she's still totally calm and friendly, and she says she's gotta make a phone call. The next thing I know, she's got him on speaker phone and is yelling at him for cheating on her? Then he's yelling at her for cheating on him, and then the next thing I know they're BOTH blowing up at me about this whole thing? How is this MY fault??

Anyway I put my pants on and escaped as fast as I could. Last I heard they got married and they're totally happy, so like, you're welcome?

So I dunno, AM I the asshole?

[listenforbirdsong]

NTA! These people are idiots. They deserve each other.

[Anonymous] AITA for abandoning my people?

[maskedstarbunny]

My people are sworn to the forest, as guardians and caretakers. It is our oath to stay and keep it safe from outsiders, an oath we all make as we reach adulthood. To leave the forest is to break that oath, and once broken you may never return.

I (63 F??) left the forest a little over five years ago, leaving in the middle of the night without telling anyone. I felt that I needed to go out and change something, rather than simply stand as steward over the same small place we always had. There are not so many of us, but surely just one is not such a loss?

But my people would tell me that I, like all of them, am bound by the oaths and knew that leaving was tantamount to betrayal.

Am I the asshole?

[ANONYMOUS]

[restingslasherface]

INFO:

Oaths? What alternative, if any, did you have to agreeing to these oaths?