ph_memes | Monthly Meme - The AITAs of March

BEWARE THE AITAS

ry havoc, and let slip the hounds of ~~war~~ interpersonal conflict! In this month's mingle, spin us a yarn of drama, suspense, romance, or petty arguments. Submit the tale for judgement to the court of public opinion, in pursuit of the answer to one all-important question--- "Am I the asshole?" You may defend yourself, but ultimately it is up to your neighbors to decide your fate.

Unlike other public forums, we don't have any rules about fake stories, validation posts, excessive arguments in the comments, or stabbing the emperor. Fudge details to your heart's content, but don't be surprised if the other people involve in the story jump in with a counter-argument. To vote, here is a glossary of important shorthand:

OP - "Original poster", the person who submitted the story
YTA - "You're the Asshole," for when the OP is the primary wrongdoer
NTA - "Not the Asshole," for when the OP is the one who was wronged
NAH - "No Assholes Here," for when no one is technically in the wrong, the conflict was simply a misunderstanding
ESH - "Everyone Sucks Here," for when all parties are in the wrong and all of you should be ashamed of yourselves
JAH - "Justified Asshole," for when OP is definitely an asshole, but for good reason
INFO - "Information," for when the story is too vague to make a decision, usually followed by a question

Stories should include the OP's name in brackets and then a punchy title in the subject line. Additionally, you may use [ANONYMOUS] in place of your name--- this will allow players to know who OP is, but the characters will not know. Have fun!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I (Age Unknown, Presumed 20-25, NB) had the incredible fortune to enter into a relationship with a partner (??????F) who came off the ferry. She has made my life better in almost every way that I care to litigate, and I adore her. At the time we entered into a relationship I knew but didn't quite understand that she has a partner (AGE AND GENDER UNKNOWN) at her home, to whom she intends to return. Similarly, at the time she did not understand that she is polyamorous, and that revelation was one of the foundations of our relationship! But as time passes I grow concerned for her partner from home, who has had no opportunity to learn about or give input to our relationship. My partner very much wishes for me to return to her home with her, and I would like to go, but what of her spouse? Are they expected to simply accept me on her say-so, or to react positively to this development? AITA, and if so how can I make it right?

NAH

Ideally the other partner should get a say, but in this unusual case where lines of communication are impossible and there is no way to know when they will see each other again, I think your best bet is to trust your partner to have a better idea of how her spouse will react than you do. I think it's a good mark of your character that you're worrying about it, though, and bodes well for when you do finally meet them.

I appreciate the kind words, even if I don't feel like my worries are a good judge of my character. The way she talks about her spouse...they truly make her happy.

That doesn't mean you don't also. I think you're right that you shouldn't 'expect' them to react in any particular way, there might well be some hurt feelings to work through, but you're NTA for that. It's natural, especially in polyamorous relationships. Feelings like jealousy can't be entirely avoided, you just have to find ways to deal with them when they come up. I've seen what happens when that isn't done, and believe me, actually caring about how the other partner feels is a solid first step.

INFO

How did you not understand her being married? It's a bit of a binary thing.

My native culture rarely practices romance as Marrow Island would understand it, instead favoring relatively anonymous hook-ups or sex work. Though I intellectually understood my partner to be married, associated concepts such as fidelity and monogamy took longer to be consciously realized. There was a pretty long period where "she's married" had about the same mental weight as "she has good fashion sense".

I'm going to have to be on the line of NAH. I feel as though you two shouldn't have engaged in a relationship without properly making sure your understanding aligned on things such as fidelity and the like, but if you genuinely care for her, her spouse will see it as well.

Don't expect them to be automatically okay with everything, though. They may feel hurt and need to work through this.

Your partner is the asshole for breaking contract with her spouse. Not your fault or your mess to fix, but I wouldn't trust her if I were you.

She! Is not! The asshole!!! She's radiant and glorious!!!!!!

A radiant and glorious asshole, then. My point stands!

NAH. The person who gave the first response is right-- At the moment, it's impossible for Link and I to communicate. However, I do know him well, and I believe that he will be amenable. If he is not, then it will be my responsibility to sort things out, and I will take full accountability for this, but I genuinely do not believe it will be a problem. I just know that he'll adore you and Pomni as much as I do, and I'm so excited for you to meet him!

I was trying to be anonymous!!!! T_T

Well that's why I waited until you got some responses!

I didn't want to worry you specifically...

I'm not worried at all. Everything will be just fine. <3

Monthly Meme - The AITAs of March

[ANONYMOUS] AITA For Dating A Married Woman

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STILL ANONYMOUS

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anon

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