Monthly Meme - The AITAs of March

[pumpkinhollow]

BEWARE THE AITAS

C

ry havoc, and let slip the hounds of war interpersonal conflict! In this month's mingle, spin us a yarn of drama, suspense, romance, or petty arguments. Submit the tale for judgement to the court of public opinion, in pursuit of the answer to one all-important question--- "Am I the asshole?" You may defend yourself, but ultimately it is up to your neighbors to decide your fate.

Unlike other public forums, we don't have any rules about fake stories, validation posts, excessive arguments in the comments, or stabbing the emperor. Fudge details to your heart's content, but don't be surprised if the other people involve in the story jump in with a counter-argument. To vote, here is a glossary of important shorthand:

• OP - "Original poster", the person who submitted the story
• YTA - "You're the Asshole," for when the OP is the primary wrongdoer
• NTA - "Not the Asshole," for when the OP is the one who was wronged
• NAH - "No Assholes Here," for when no one is technically in the wrong, the conflict was simply a misunderstanding
• ESH - "Everyone Sucks Here," for when all parties are in the wrong and all of you should be ashamed of yourselves
• JAH - "Justified Asshole," for when OP is definitely an asshole, but for good reason
• INFO - "Information," for when the story is too vague to make a decision, usually followed by a question

Stories should include the OP's name in brackets and then a punchy title in the subject line. Additionally, you may use [ANONYMOUS] in place of your name--- this will allow players to know who OP is, but the characters will not know. Have fun!

Comments

[ANONYMOUS] AITA for throwing things at and ignoring my ex?

[thethirteenthchild]

I (20sF) just got out of a relationship with my former boyfriend (30sM) of roughly 6 months. Over the winter, we got into a really ridiculous argument. For the sake of both our privacy, I'd prefer to sum up the incident rather than give out all the details. He overstepped a boundary, I reacted very strongly, and he ended up leaving our home entirely when the conversation ended. He knew I wasn't physically capable of chasing after him, so I had no choice but to let him go. A few days later, he approached me in public and laid into me about the incident before disappearing entirely.

A few weeks ago, my ex did actually come back and apologize. I tried to talk to him again, even going so far as to give him some more background on why I reacted the way I did by divulging vulnerable personal trauma. This didn't go well either, as he ended up reacting very strongly to the things I told him and carrying on about "saving" me. Eventually I asked him to leave, which he pushed back on, saying he wouldn't go unless I explicitly said in so many words that I didn't want to see or speak to him. In the end, I ended up snapping and throwing a full wine bottle at him.

Since then he has tried in a few ways to get my attention, all of which I've ignored. I don't think I was necessarily think I was in the wrong for feeling how I felt, so I'm not really asking about that--- but I do feel bad about blowing him off, and for throwing things at him, especially such a heavy object that could have potentially really hurt him. I wonder if doing these things makes me a cruel person.

[restingslasherface]

NTA

Consider seeking restitution in ritual combat. Wait. What is the code duello here...

[redlightgreenlight]

NTA.

This boy doesn't respect your boundaries and tried to force you to say things you didn't want to say. He may have thought it was romantic or maybe even cute, but it only shows his immaturity. He's treating you as if you are something to be won back, not as a person with her own feelings and rights. Men like to call out emotional women when it's really that they won't take 'no' for an answer. He's stubborn and needs to let go. There's nothing cute about how he's acting and I'm especially appalled at how he thinks he need to 'save' you, that tells me he has a hero complex or again, sees you as something to win or 'fix'. If he's really sorry, he will give you the space you need without trying to worm his way back into your life.

[tisnotthehouse]

YTA to yourself, for not cracking his skull open. I suggest you begin practicing your aim in private, so that the next time someone behaves so poorly towards you you will be able to seek effective restitution immediately.

[abhorrently]

NTA.

Sometimes you need to escalate when a person can't understand they need to go. Especially if he decided to cause a scene in public, humiliating you. If he wants your attention, he needs to be willing to give it on your terms.

Hopefully it wasn't a very valuable bottle you couldn't replace.

[inaurate]

NTA

Looks like the overstepping of boundaries is becoming a pattern for this guy. Throwing things is a little extreme, but when someone refuses to listen to your words, action is the natural next step.

[gruesomegourmand]

NTA.

You two may need to talk sometime, though, maybe with a friend to help keep things fair and collected. It sounds like there's some things that haven't gotten sorted out enough to make any sort of break completely clean, if a full separation is what you want. It might help provide the closure you need to fully go separate ways.

anon

[astrogator]

ESH

He sucks for the obvious reasons, but initiating aggression against him was wrong. It doesn't make you a cruel person but there are better ways of handling anger. Explicitly telling him you didn't want to see or speak to him would have been a better option - you didn't!