TDM #2 - Down in the Underground

[pumpkinhollow]

Pumpkin Hollow Gazette Issue #3

Pumpkin Hollow Gazette

8/5/23 | TDM #2: "Down in the Underground"
Content Warnings: [Article 2] claustrophobia, caves, drowned corpse
[Article 4] Various violence by monster

We're glad you're here!

WELCOME TO PUMPKIN HOLLOW!

By Yorick Aberdeen

JACK'S MARINA - Reports from the Pumpkin Hollow Port Authority indicate that arrivals by otherworldly newcomers to Marrow Isle are continuing at a steady rate. The first batch of new arrivals, which had been the very first travelers to Pumpkin Hollow in at least five years’ time, began in early June of this year and have already proven to be an incredible boon to both our economy and our overall quality of life. We now have a new farm on the island for the first time in years, as well as clever new members of the constabulary, a few helpful craftspeople, and even our own brand new local musical act. Not only that, but the prestigious Ms. Dahlia Leeds has taken a personal assistant, which this reporter is pleased to announce has gotten him out of a number of mundane tasks. (No offense is meant to Ms. Leeds, of course--- the Pumpkin Hollow Gazette certainly harbors no ill will toward its most consistent donor!)

According to interviews with a number of these newcomers, they appear to all come from realms far beyond our own, to the point where they have homelands with unfamiliar names and have never heard of the Emerald Isles at all. Those willing to share more details report that they each met with a strange woman in a bland-looking office building who offered them a chance at a new life, then found themselves on the ferry here. None of them seem to know anything further, as far as the Pumpkin Hollow Gazette is aware. Curious circumstances indeed.

That said, we are beyond pleased to welcome even more new neighbors to our fair town. Any newcomers should feel welcome to come to Town Hall if they are in any need of assistance. Mayor Poe and any member of Town Council would all be more than happy to lend a hand.

Additionally, the Temple of Sacred Roots will be holding a small gathering on temple grounds to welcome any wayward souls who could use a bit of help adjusting. Reverend Degas Clayton would also like to remind everyone that he is always available to offer guidance after any of his Sunday sermons unless otherwise stated. He has expressed an interest in personally welcoming as many new residents as he is able.

Hopefully things will continue to look up for Pumpkin Hollow as more arrivals land upon our docks. This will be of particular importance as we draw ever closer to Autumn. October in particular promises to be an especially difficult time, as usual. The Pumpkin Hollow Gazette will report further on our paranormal forecast as the season of spirits draws near. We hope to keep local casualties to a minimum this year after last year’s record high.

In any case, best of luck to our new residents, and welcome again!

NOTORIOUS 'RIVER WALKER' SPOTTED AFTER LONG ABSENCE; EXTREME CAUTION ADVISED

By Yorick Aberdeen

The Paring River Bridge in Lockwood Forest.

LOCKWOOD FOREST (Paring River) - Woodland travelers beware! And not just for all of the usual reasons, either. This past weekend, local shepherd Joseph Peterson reported to the local constabulary that he had an encounter with a creature that had been presumed to have moved on from our fair isle. Peterson, 37, allegedly came across the beast colloquially known as the “River Walker” while crossing the Paring River bridge near the entrance of Lockwood Forest, where he was grabbed and knocked out. Once he regained consciousness, Peterson then reported being lost in an underground cave system whilst being pursued by the monster for an unknown amount of time estimated between six and twelve hours.

The River Walker, a spider-like creature with the face of a human corpse, is so named because it appears to exclusively use the Paring River as its hunting ground. The creature is apparently completely unique to Marrow Isle, as the Pumpkin Hollow Historical Society was unable to uncover folklore or recorded sightings of anything matching the River Walker’s description in any of the texts they have access to. However, through collecting data from resurrected residents who were its victims, the Town Hall Safety Board was able to glean information about this menace that should help citizens avoid yet another timely demise.

Firstly, all residents traveling in the Lockwood Forest should steer clear of the Paring River if possible. While it is true that the Paring River cuts directly through the forest near the entrance and arcs through the majority of the woodlands, and also that the main path through the woods which goes over the Paring River bridge is the only way through to Crane’s RIdge or any of the hunting areas, the river should still be avoided whenever residents are able. This will minimize potential contact.

Secondly, be aware of your surroundings when near the river. Data indicates that the creature will make a soft chittering sound before reaching up to grab a victim. Many prior victims also report the surrounding area seeming “too still” when the creature was in the area. If you experience any of these phenomena, it would be wise to run--- though most reports suggest that outrunning the River Walker aboveground is impossible. But still, it is important to do your best.

And lastly, should you be taken below ground with this monstrous creature, it will transport you to tight underground caves where you will be forced to crawl, squeeze, and climb for your life. All the while it will follow you, taunting and toying with you. Utilize these long, grueling hours to your advantage! Studies have shown that the River Walker struggles to attack groups of two or more effectively, so while you are being tortured, search for a traveling companion!

If you do encounter the River Walker, please report the sighting to the Town Council or the Historical Society regardless of whether or not you die. Those killed by the River Walker are encouraged to stop by the Oak & Iron for a copy of the Safety Board’s Advice Pamphlet for the Recently Deceased after resurrecting. And remember, quitters are tastier prey, so don’t give in to despair! Even if you are caught and killed, you can at least say you persisted out of spite.

BLUE ISLAND CRAB HATCHING SEASON BEGINS AS SUMMER HEAT PERSISTS

By Yorick Aberdeen

A little sketch by yours truly.

TAWNY BEACH - If you’re out on the beach enjoying the last month of warm sea water, be mindful where you step! Earlier this spring, the local Blue Island Crab population had their mating season. Males of the species came up on the shore with clusters of tiny but durable eggs bundled up in their claws and buried them in the sand, and they’ve been warmed by the summer sun all season. As we enter the last month of summer the new crabs are finally ready to emerge from their birthplaces and begin their lives.

It is worth noting, however, that newborn Blue Island Crabs tend not to go directly back to the sea. In fact, it is common for them to spend the first few weeks of their lives searching for food and nesting materials such as seashells, driftwood, broken pottery, or small pieces of metal roughly the size of the average piece of valuable jewelry. They are also very adept climbers and are capable of scaling stairs and countertops with relative ease. Additionally, they seem to be able to communicate well with others of their species and are capable of collaborating. Many townsfolk have even gone so far as to describe their behavior as “scheming.” Blue Island Crabs are also notorious for not being very picky about what they eat. All this is to say, expect to have your food, personal items, and practically anything that is not tied down stolen by small blue crabs.

An unfortunate side effect of the hex has been that the beloved and highly anticipated Cucumber Festival, which normally takes place in early June, had to be canceled due to a lack of cucumbers. This has earned the ire of a great many residents who have cited the festival as “their last source of a modicum of joy on this goddess-forsaken island”, among other more colorful statements.

But there is good news! Hatching season and the subsequent early life of the crabs, all told, will not last more than a few weeks before the crabs mature enough to return to the sea with the rest of their kind. And of course those lucky enough to catch some will report that they make for a fine meal. There is no finer party dish than a Blue Island crab boil!

INCREASED PINE DEVIL SIGHTINGS SPELL BAD NEWS FOR LOCAL PEDESTRIANS

By Yorick Aberdeen

A painting of the Pine Devil provided by Mayor Poe

ISLAND-WIDE - In more concerning news, reports have been coming in from all over the island that there have been an uptick in sightings of the Pumpkin Hollow Howler. Otherwise known as the Pine Devil, this extremely dangerous man-eating beast has been a staple of Marrow Isle’s rotating cast of horrors for at least the past 15 years. Much like the aforementioned River Walker, the Pine Devil has a tendency to come and go and sightings fluctuate with some regularity. It seems that as we draw closer to prime haunting season we will be faced with increased appearances from the island’s least-favorite celebrity.

Here’s what we know:

The Howler’s primary motivation is to eat and he prefers larger prey. This includes pigs, cattle, deer, and humans. He has no known den and is apparently nomadic. No one has ever been able to locate the Pumpkin Hollow Howler when he is not actively hunting. At full height, he stands a whopping eight feet tall on unguligrade legs. He has clawed hands and large fangs which are its primary method of attacking and is capable of flight, and his eyes glow blue in the dark. He is a strong, fast creature who has no qualms about coming into town if necessary. Surviving encounters with the beast is notably rare.

If you have any encounters with the Pumpkin Hollow Howler, report to Town Hall or the constable’s station at your earliest convenience to make an incident report. The constabulary is taking reports 24 hours a day, so please make your report either immediately after the incident or upon resurrection. May your lanterns stay lit, and be safe out there!

Page 1

code

Captured by the River Walker? Click here…

Perhaps you didn’t read the paper. Perhaps you didn’t take the warnings seriously. Or maybe you simply had no other choice. Whatever the case may be, the Paring River Bridge lies before you, and the world around you is unnaturally still. The sounds of chirping birds, burrowing mammals, and chittering insects have all died and left the air uncannily silent.

You attempt to hurry across, hoping to make it before anything unsavory catches your scent. But the moment you place your foot upon the stone pavers of the bridge, it is already too late. Behind you, you can hear the scuttling of much too large insectoid legs and a soft rattling sound, almost like the sound of a woodpecker drilling into a tree but somehow… wetter.

Instinctively, you turn to look behind you. A bulbous, lumpy abdomen drags the ground, and from it extends a set of eight black legs, chunky and irregular, as if they were wooden stakes hewn into rough points with a careless knife. Long, spindly fingers extend from thin arms on either side of an emaciated torso covered in shiny black insect carapace. And on top, the face of a human woman who looked as though she’d been drowned, bloated and rotting. White eyes, matted brown hair, and a wicked smile framed by patchy blue lips.

You black out before you even have the chance to scream.

When you awaken, your head is pounding as if you’ve just woken from a bender. You are on a dirty, irregular stone floor. The beginnings of stalagmites jab into your back. In the distance, you can hear dripping water and the shifting of something moving. It is dark, but light enough to see by, allowing you to see plainly that the ceiling above you is significantly too low for you to stand.

Then, you hear a laugh, hoarse and cruel. “Rise and shine, little morsel. Oh, how I do love to play with my food…”

That’s your cue to get moving.

For the next several long, grueling hours, you crawl your way through this tight and unrelenting fortress of stone on hands and knees as rocks cut into your hands. In caves that are tall enough to stand, you have to walk sideways to proceed or even hold your breath in order to make it, and all the tunnels look more or less the same. The River Walker’s raspy voice echoes off the walls, making its location imperceptible… but it’s close.

You need to find a traveling companion. And soon.

Interested in encountering the Pine Devil? Click here...

The Pine Devil is a mod-run NPC and we can only handle a certain number of encounters at once. For this TDM we will be favoring new characters on a first-come, first-served basis. However, you may still handwave or summarize the encounter by rolling a D20 with 15+ to survive and 18+ to walk away unscathed, and write out the aftermath. You do not need a mod’s permission to do this!

You also do not need to fill out a Death Certificate if you're not fully apped in, but can if you want to. Your character will resurrect as normal either way!

Comments

Gerard Keay | The Magnus Archives | OTA

[skeletonkeay]

-Help I'm Alive-

Existence has been a bit strange for Gerard for the past few years, but honestly, this takes the cake.

When he woke after the end of his painful existence as a page in a book, he found himself in an ugly, boring office. Sat across from him was a woman that he was almost certain was Gertrude Robinson for a moment, appearing younger as part of some kind of weird afterlife. But ultimately she was not. Too kind, he thought. And she had a very strange proposition for him.

Gerard considered his options. Take his chances on permanent death now that he was released from the book... or a brand new life in another world that was finally all his own.

Well, maybe he could stick around for a little while more.

At first it was a bit grating that this island he ended up on was full of spookies. Because of course it was. He'd relocated to an entirely new reality and it was still fucking spooky. But after some consideration, he wasn't sure he really could do a fully normal life, so he begrudgingly accepted the mild comfort of familiarity. The outfit would need some doctoring though.

Once the knees of his new trousers had been sufficiently distressed and the sleeves of his linen shirt ripped off just below the elbow and left to fray, Gerard tucked his hands into his pockets and strode off from the tavern to get the lay of the land.


-Feelin' Crabby-

The first thing Gerard did was cut into his stipend to buy himself a pack of cigarettes and a utilitarian old-fashioned lighter with a bitterly comical inscription on the side. The second thing he did was go to the beach. Kicking off his shoes and rolling up his pants legs, he stood in the sand with the waves up just above his ankles and took a long, slow drag.

This moment of quiet, liberated peace was interrupted by the feeling of shuffling near his leg, though. It took a moment to realize it wasn't just the wind tugging at his clothes, and by the time he noticed, some fucking mollusk or something had pulled up, climbed his pants leg and pickpocketed him.

"Hey!" he barked, trying to grab the thing, but it was too late and the crab dropped to the ground as if dead before springing back to life and scuttling off with his new lighter.

"Oh, for Christ's sake," Gerard groaned, jogging after it. He could probably use some help.


-Bridge Over Troubled Water-

If Gerard had seen the warnings he would obviously have been much more careful. He wasn't daft. But unfortunately he was making his way into the forest before even realizing there was a newspaper to read. He barely flinched at the sight of the horrible corpse-spider---nothing he hadn't dealt with before. But when it lunged at him and knocked him unconscious, and he woke up in a tight, cramped cave, a pang of fear came over him.

This probably wasn't actually anything to do with the Buried, or any of the other "fear gods" from his own world. But he'd be damned if it didn't feel like it has he twisted and squeezed to fit through these tight, horrible tunnels. And Too Close I Cannot Breathe was by far one of his least favorite entities. His muscles ached from the strain and cramps and his hands and knees and elbows all bled from the scrapes. Guess he didn't need to put holes in the pants himself after all...

Thinking himself thoroughly alone, Gerard keened softly from pain and distress. He really did not want to die again already...


-Baby, I'm Howlin' For You-
[ Rolled an 18 for the Pumpkin Hollow Howler, using it to help someone out! ]

At the end of what had proven to be a very long day, Gerard wanted nothing more than to drag his ass back to the Oak & Iron and pass the hell out in bed. Unfortunately, this stupid island and it's tricks had other ideas.

As he was shuffling home, battered and bruised, he spotted someone being followed through the darkening streets by something hairy and massive that almost looked like some kind of... gargoyle or something. He really, really did not want to get involved. But whoever that was, he couldn't just let them get jumped by whatever cryptid this was when he had the expertise to help.

Thinking fast, he looked around and found a decently sized rock to throw. "Hey!" he called out to the other person. "Look alive!"

Feelin' crabby!

[woocas]

Lucas is on the hunt for more cursed treasure. This time he's armed with a long stick and a box, hoping to avoid its curse this way. So far the sandy beach seems relatively picked clean, but that's not going to stop him from looking in every nook and cranny.

"Huh?" Hearing someone yell, Lucas looks up and catches sight of a man running up the beach and a crab scuttling at full speed with something in its claws. Doesn't take a genius to put two and two together on this one.

"Don't worry, I got it!" Lucas declares with confidence and takes a dive at the crab with his box, intent on slapping the wooden container over the tiny thief!

Instead he ends up belly flopping onto the beach as the crab side-steps at the last moment and scuttles across his prone form to keep going!

[skeletonkeay]

As much as he wanted his lighter back, that wipeout was a little funny. It got a laugh out of Gerard, at least. He jogged after the thing.

"Nice try, mate," he said, running past Lucas. Sorry bud, can't let it get away. "Might wanna look out, though. I think one of 'em's got your stick."

[woocas]

Grumble, grumble. Lucas spits out some sand before popping back up on his knees. "Wha--hey!!"

He liked that stick! Lucas scrambles to his feet and is quick to follow behind. "Nasty little buggers, aren't they? I'm starting to wonder if everything small on this island is a kleptomaniac..."

Brutok and now crabs. Never a dull moment in Pumpkin Hollow!

[skeletonkeay]

"Ugh, there's more thieving things on this island? Great," he grumbled. "Well, they're fast. Maybe we ought to see where they're going, try to get the jump on 'em."

[woocas]

"Dude, there's all sorts of shit on this island." Might as well get that part out of the way. Not all sunshine and rainbows here.

Lucas huffs but watching the crabs scuttle it seems like following them is the best option. "Lucas, by the way." He says while keeping pace beside the other man.

[skeletonkeay]

"...Gerard," he says, though his strong British accent makes it hard to tell if he said "Gerard" or "Jared". "Or Gerry, if ya like."

Baby, I'm Howlin' For You

[lordoftheozarks]

Look alive? Erik actually snorts a laugh at that. What irony. He's less amused, however, when he notices this person brandishing a rock. See, he is not unaware he is being followed; not much is capable of sneaking up on him without his hearing it. He's been deliberately trailing this devil creature for the last twenty minutes, trying to lure it to a place where he can fight it privately. Now that's about to be ruined.

"You don't need to intervene. I'm quite all right on my own."

(ooc: lol, he rolled a 9 so... no, no he can't, apparently.)

[skeletonkeay]

...The fuck?

Of course, the element of surprise for Gerard was now ruined as well, as he'd only spoken expecting the other person to need a second to duck or move before he could make his play. The beast, seeing that it was cornered, roared and lunged at Gerard. So he threw his rock anyway.

He'd been going for the face but missed and struck it in the stomach, which was thankfully enough to stagger it. Nice to see this thing took a blow to the gut like anything else would--- by doubling over.

"Fuck me," he grumbled, realizing he didn't have a ton of options. Experience doesn't help as much without tools. He began backing up, casting a glance to the other man. "Get inside!"

[lordoftheozarks]

"Later, perhaps," Erik quips. But, he isn't about to follow that order. He's not some helpless bystander.

That monster is only going to be stunned for a moment. And it's going to be twice as angry when it recovers. It would be so easy to leave this man here for dead, but he's supposed to be self-actualizing or some-such thing here, isn't he? What a pain.

"I can get us both inside but you're going to have to put some trust in me."

[skeletonkeay]

"Trust you? Why the fuck would I---"

Before he can finish, he glances back to the Pine Devil as it staggers forward eyes locked on him one more. It's only a matter of moments before it's ready to pounce again.

"Fine, fine, whatever, as long as it's fast."

give me a shout if you want me to walk this back, no stress

[lordoftheozarks]

"It will be fast." Really fast.

He speeds to Gerard's side in the blink of an eye. To a standard mortal, it will seem as if he has simply teleported.

"Forgive me for this," he says as he grabs Gerard around the middle and hoists him up over one shoulder. Who could have ever expected such a petite man could be this strong?

"And this." As soon as he's sure of his grip, he will take off at run so fast the world blurs around them. His destination is his own residence. He's sincerely hoping Gerard isn't one who easily gets motion sick.

no worries this is literally exactly what I was expecting to happen LMAO

[skeletonkeay]

In fairness, Gerard wasn't exactly heavy, a bony sort from years of poor nutrition and unhealthy habits with a reasonable layer of muscle in most places. But still, Erik must have been quite strong to just sling him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Hey, what the---"

Before he has time to utter the word "fuck," Erik takes off at an ungodly speed. His head swims, but thankfully he doesn't get nauseous, which would not have been remotely cute.

Feelin' Crabby

[backalleyurchin]

[ Considering that Spyke had arrived to an office with a human-looking woman within, he shouldn't have been shocked to have been dropped on an island of the extinct (formerly extinct? He didn't keep up with the scholarly discoveries) critters, yet here he was.

Conversations, niceties, diplomacy, more niceties, on and on for what felt like an eternity. A key to a little room in a pub, where he'd apparently be fed and housed. It would have been lovely if he wasn't still hung up on the fact that he was dead, humans were everywhere, and this was not his cozy little usual. Maybe he'd gotten too comfortable.

What he needed now, more than anything, though, was a break.

Old habit drew him to the smell of salt on the air, and he milled along the beach, rolling over the situation a few times in his thorny head. It'd left him preoccupied enough that he didn't catch sight of the man chasing after the crab - rather, his eyes darted down to the scuttling and glint of shine from the lighter before anything else.

With an opportunistic lunge, he shot a hand down, snaring the little crustacean in fingers that were considerably too long, lifting it up to have a better look at it. It was only then that he finally caught sight of it's pursuer, and the look on the man's face put the puzzle pieces together. ]

'Ey, mate. [ A nod of acknowledgement, and he pried the lighter from the crab's claws, holding it aloft. This guy seemed to have an energy that he could finally gel with - tension held in his shoulders with the other humans was quickly dropped. ] Little bugger snatch this off you?

[skeletonkeay]

[ Gerard gave this strange, shockingly lanky man(?) a hard and incredulous look. With his shockingly elongated proportions, bright orange skin tone, pincushion "hair", and searing technicolor eyes, he was very obviously not human. But in the same vein, he didn't quite look like a monster. He looked wrong, but not in a way that seemed designed to inspire fear, but instead just a very strange version of biology somehow. He couldn't put a finger on it exactly. If it wasn't for that thick cockney accent, Gerard would have thought him a space alien. ]

Yeah. [ The words came after far too long a pause. ] Nice catch.

[backalleyurchin]

[ The lighter was tossed back, and he let his brow furrow, even so slightly, at the gawking. It wasn't even close to the first time he'd been balked and gawked at since he'd gotten here - apparently, sea life was still sitting pretty under the waves, out in these parts. Made life more inconvenient for him, but he'd manage. ]

Sure. Can't go lettin' 'em learn how t'use fire. Imagine what they'd do with power like that. This one's got a look to 'im.

[ His words were a bit dry, but it seemed like he was joking. Somewhat-flat affects made that sort of thing always hard to tell, and he didn't care to make it easier on anyone.

Once he'd tossed the lighter, he lifted the crab just as he had the tool, letting it's scurrying limbs flop a bit as it tried to pry itself out of his hand. ]

You want this back, too?

[skeletonkeay]

[ With quick reflexes, Gerry reached up and caught the lighter, pocketing it once more. ]

Yeah, it's my first day, I'd rather not get a reputation for teaching the wildlife how to do drugs. Next thing you know, there'll be crabs passing blunts around in circles on the beach.

[ Gerard's tone was just as deadpan. This lanky bastard's humor was English enough, at least, to be believable. ]

You can keep the crab.

[backalleyurchin]

Suit yourself, bruv.

[ Casual as could be, he opened his mouth--- revealing large, sharp teeth--- and took a bite out of the crab with a loud, sickening crunch. The attempts to escape his hand promptly ended. Rest in peace, tiny thief. ]

Y'rr f'rst day too, yea? [ He asked, in midst his (momentarily loud, shell and all) chewing, lifting his one visible brow Gerry's way in interest. He swallowed thickly before he continued, entirely unfazed by his snacking. ] Think a place like this could use crabs usin' drugs, you might have the right idea. Could make it a l'il less dreary.

[skeletonkeay]

Yeah, I dunno about all that.

[ Haha holy shit he just bit that crab like a sandwich. What the fuck is wrong with this place. ]

Can I ask you kind of a personal question?

Bridge Over Troubled Water

[apocryphalarchivist]

(OOC note: pls don't mind my unmatchy format!! :'D)

[ Gerry's sound of pain just about gave Jon, who'd been only one shallow tunnel's turn away, a heart attack.

He hadn't been careful enough when stumbling across the river, that much was certain. He'd had too many things on his mind, wasn't paying attention to where he was going, dwelling just a bit too hard, and the damn creature that had gotten the jump on him just before he had time to react.

And now, here he was. A splitting ache in his head, a fleeting awareness that there was a way out of the tunnel, but difficulty finding it. He'd lost his glasses somewhere along the way, but couldn't be bothered to try to find them. He had to get out.

He and someone else, apparently.

The sound was too human to have come from the monster. (Unless that was what it wanted him to think?) It was close. (How close, really? These caves echoed seemingly infinitely.) Was it almost... familiar? (Again, what if that was all an elaborate trap?)

Unable to help but chance it, though, and pressing his hands forward around the cave's branching bend, he spoke, quiet, tentative, and clearly doing his best not to let fear seep into his voice. (He'd be damned if he'd feed the Entities if he could help it.) ]

Hello? Who's there?

[skeletonkeay]

[ Gerard took in a sharp breath, all at once startled and relieved and self-conscious and maybe even a bit paranoid. That voice. Where did he know that voice? It wasn't the monster... Did it have the ability to change its voice? God, that would be awful.

But hell, at least if he fell for the trap and died, he could get out of this oversized ant hill and be done with it. It'd been some time since thoughts that grim had passed through his mind, but here he was.

He racked his brain to try and recall the source. ]

...Sims? Is that you?

[apocryphalarchivist]

[ It was a voice he'd only heard a small amount of times, but one he could place anywhere. His mind raced; it very well may have been a trap, but he couldn't say for sure.

If it wasn't a trap, he wasn't sure the amount of question it answered versus the questions it raised would even out, even still. ]

......... Gerry?

[skeletonkeay]

Oh, fuck me. [ He groaned, collapsing for a moment to try and get his head together. ]

What happened to you? To get you--- here, I mean.

[apocryphalarchivist]

Well, I--- may have either been sacrificed or blown up. It's a long story, and I don't know how long we have here. I can... get you up to speed later?

[skeletonkeay]

[ Oh for fuck's sake. Gerard let out a groan. ] Bloody hell. I sure fucking hope it wasn't the first one, or all that work we put into stopping the Unknowing is fucked.