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ph_memes2023-06-07 02:56 pm
TDM #1 - The Vengeful Forest
Pumpkin Hollow Gazette
6/7/23 | TDM #1: "The Vengeful Forest"
Content Warnings: body horror mentioned, article 2
A typical view from Jack's Marina
FIRST NEW ARRIVALS IN HALF-DECADE: MORE TO FOLLOW?
By Yorick Aberdeen
TAWNY BEACH - Big news at Jack’s Marina--- for the first time in roughly five years, the Marrow Isle Port Authority has reported a new arrival by ferry. And it’s not just one person.
Since the advent of the Barrier that has plagued our fair island for the past 5 years, no transport vessels have been logged for departure or arrival by the Port Authority. And for good reason! Any boat that attempted to make the journey beyond the blackened waters surrounding the island has met with a terrible fate ranging from property destruction to untimely demise. While said casualties don’t quite carry the sting they used to, the situation has obviously proven less than ideal for those looking to leave and ultimately halted the mass exodus from Pumpkin Hollow indefinitely.
Today, for the first time since the formation of the Barrier, we are seeing brand new faces arrive at the docks. All of them have been somewhat disoriented and some have claimed to be from locations that do not exist in our world. We approached one of these new arrivals, Milo Fields, for comment on his experience.
“A lady in an office told me I was dead and then I woke up on a boat,” Fields, 26, was quoted as stating on the matter. Succinct and fascinating, indeed! It would seem that for once, our island’s propensity for supernatural oddities has brought us something that we can be hopeful about. More on this as it develops.
‘CREEPY LITTLE TREES’ SEEN IN TOWN
By Yorick Aberdeen
Artist rendition of a "Brutok".
NORTHWEST HOLLOW (Prague Mills) - This morning Town Hall received a report from the road by the lumber mill, which leads out to Crane’s Ridge, that there have been more sightings of the “tiny tree people” that have been appearing around Lockwood Forest. Over the past few weeks there have been multiple sightings of short-statured creatures with gnarled limbs, bark complexions, and leaf-shaped masks moving about among the trees. There have also been several reports claiming that they have been in town. These reports are particularly prominent in areas toward the outskirts of the forest such as the aforementioned Prague Mills.
However, movement is not the only activity people claim to have seen. Many of these sightings detail more insidious behaviors such as mean-spirited practical jokes, theft, and attempted kidnapping.
The Pumpkin Hollow Gazette reached out to local historian and town council member Dahlia Leeds for any insight on these creatures from her research.
“These creatures appear to be Brutoks,” Leeds, 23, concluded in her interview with us on Tuesday evening. “They’re angry woodland spirits known to appear in cursed forests, much like our own.”
Ms. Leeds went on to issue a number of safety warnings for residents. According to her research, these Brutoks often move in groups and will lock on to woodland travelers who make eye contact with them. Their eyes are not visible so this can be done by accident quite easily if one spends too much time staring into trees. If Brutoks attach themselves to you, they will follow you home, proceeding to destroy your property, hide your personal items, attempt to cause you bodily harm, tear up your garden, and eventually spirit you away to the woods. Victims of these kidnappings will be “planted” in the woods by the Brutoks and spend the next several hours enduring the deeply unpleasant process of being turned into a tree, ultimately killing the individual. A gruesome affair.
There are several ways to dispel a Brutok invasion before it escalates to kidnapping. Ms. Leeds recommends observing their behavior for clues and keeping an eye out for puzzles set by the creatures while outside, though there may be other solutions. If you are unable to dispel them, it is possible to fight them off with brute force. Those walking in or near the woods are advised to keep their eyes on the trail but listen carefully for sounds of distress and be prepared to intervene. Should you encounter any trees that look like people, Ms. Leeds has also cited the unfortunate need to burn the unsettling foliage in order to release the spirit of the victim so that they can regenerate as usual.
As always, the sharing of information and community vigilance are imperative in warding off this new threat. Please share any information you have on the message boards at town hall or with your neighbors, and consider reaching out to Ms. Leeds or any other respected community figure if you find yourself in a bind. Keep your lanterns lit, Pumpkin Hollow. We’re in for quite the summer.
CUCUMBER FESTIVAL CANCELED DUE TO UNFORTUNATE TURNIP HEX; REPLACED WITH POTLUCK
By Yorick Aberdeen
They haunt my dinner plate and my dreams.
DOWNTOWN (Temple of Sacred Roots) - In lighter news, a solution has been found to the much-loathed Turnip Hex debacle.
As most residents of Pumpkin Hollow are aware, earlier in spring a crop hex was placed on the island by an unidentified witch that turned all ground crops sown at the time into turnips. While this is not as bad as it could be, it has resulted in mounds upon mounds of turnips and a complete lack of other crops until later harvests. The witch who cast this hex is still at large.
An unfortunate side effect of the hex has been that the beloved and highly anticipated Cucumber Festival, which normally takes place in early June, had to be canceled due to a lack of cucumbers. This has earned the ire of a great many residents who have cited the festival as “their last source of a modicum of joy on this goddess-forsaken island”, among other more colorful statements.
Reverend Degas Clayton of the Temple of Sacred Roots of our Four Earthly Mothers has proposed an alternative to the festival. While not nearly as exciting, Clayton, 57, believes that a turnip potluck is still a great community-building exercise and excuse for a social gathering. He encourages attendees to find the most inventive ways they can think of to cook up excess turnips and present their dishes on the temple lawn during the party. “The sooner we eat the blasted things, the sooner we’ll no longer have to look at them anymore,” said Mayor Poe in her endorsement of the event. It would appear she plans to be in attendance.
To participate, please bring an appropriate dish to the Temple of Sacred Roots on Friday at noon. The party will run until sundown and wine will be provided, which may improve the taste of the turnips. New residents are encouraged to attend even if they are not able to provide a dish so that they can meet their local community and learn more about the church.
Jack Spicer | Xiaolin Showdown | OTA
[Aesthetically, Jack fits in almost too well with the creepy vibes of this place, with his eerily pale complexion and bright red eyes and hair, looking like the demonic ghost of a drowned Victorian lad in the plain shirt and trousers he showed up in. Functionally? He hates it here, get him out of this po-dunk town that's never so much as heard of dial-up!]
Ugh, can you believe this? [Is he talking to you? He doesn't seem to be talking to anyone, actually. Just bitching to bitch.] How is an evil genius meant to work in these conditions? No lab, no computers, not so much as a TI-84! This is so lame! [He crosses his arms across his chest, scowling exaggeratedly. Realizing he's caught attention with his whining, he shoots a glare at anyone staring.]
Hey, you mind not gawking, buddy? You're ruining my brooding sesh!
creepy little trees
[What a lovely day for a walk near the woods, you might think. Perhaps you'll enjoy the peaceful chirping of the birds, maybe the babbling of a brook... well, that's just too bad, because what you'll be getting is an unholy shriek. What sort of terrifying abomination could loose a sound like that, you might think.
Luckily, the source of the sound is not hard to spot. It's one Jack Spicer, being hounded by a small group of Brutoks. He trips over a root, recovering spectacularly quickly from a faceplant to scramble away from the plant-like monsters clutching at his legs with loud whimpers.]
Creepy trees! Creepy tree guys! S-Someone-- HELP ME! [Impressive how he can sob, scream, and flail around all at the same time.]
arrival
Then he directly addresses her, the fur of her tail bristles out, hands up in a placating manner. "I wasn't gawking, good ser! I simply couldn't help but to overhear your...ah, complaints."
sorry both for him and for being molasses
"Well, I wasn't talkin' to you so unless you know where I can lodge these serious complaints, you can buzz off." He flaps a hand as though shooing away an actual cat.
lol all good!
"But you're being rather rude about it, so I'm not inclined to say." She waggles a finger at him, tsk tsk!
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“You must think everyone needs to bow down to your whims. You’ll find that a difficult task here, ser. That’s for sure.”
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Creepy Trees!
Run! Head to the big house! I'll let you in!
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Even he can follow directions, and he runs directly for that big house, safety, shelter from creepy little tree guys that want to do who knows what to him!]
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Phew! That was a bit close, wasn't it? Those things aren't so tough by themselves, but they're nasty in groups.
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He recovers quickly, at least, scrambling to his feet again in a mess of lanky limbs.]
Yeah, well, so am I! [He jams a thumb against his chest arrogantly.] I mean, when I've got my Jackbots and a proper workshop, or some Shen Gong Wu to work with, I'm plenty tough! [He slumps, awkward and defeated.] None of that's here, though, so... thanks. Eh, you probably don't even know what I'm talking about.
[He looks around the entryway, giving an impressed whistle.] Nice place you've got here! Way better than the dinky little townhouse they gave me.
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And yet, she remained entirely polite. ]
You're right, I don't know what those things are. But I do love to learn.
And thank you. My parents built it. They founded the town fifty years ago.
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Town founders, huh? No wonder you've got a nice place. [Jack remains, for the moment, unaware of the shift in the vibes. He is perhaps a painfully easy target.]
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