Alice claps a hand on Sam's shoulder and says, with mock gravitas: "Oh my darling man, you are a baby shrimp. But even the babiest of shrimps isn't immune to being made into gravity's bitch. Let alone the big sexy lobster standing right behind him."

Never underestimate Alice's willingness to take a joke as far as possible, even when it includes referring to herself as a sexy lobster.

The hand falls away. "Figured we were running the risk of becoming some scary story told on the internet forevermore, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

She really is gonna need that pint of her own.